Que Sera Sera
by Glaistig
Summary: L won and Light Yagami was convicted as Kira. Light was sentenced to a prison for the criminally insane and dangerous. Previously a secret, L became famous world-wide. It's been five years since then. Now L has gotten a phone call about the former mass murderer. They've both changed… will they change from enemies into something else? LxLight
1. It's Been Five Years

**Chapter 1: It's Been Five Years**

_**A/N: Because I control the world of this fanfiction, I'm saying that L was 21 at the time of the Kira investigation. L is now 26 and Light is 22. Just for the hell of it. Let the madness begin.**_

_**Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property. **_

_**Warnings: Mentions of violence and abuse, also eventual LxLight pairing**_

_**Length: 1221 words, over four pages.**_

_**NOW let the madness begin.**_

"L?" An elderly man, neatly dressed in a black suit, with impeccably groomed white hair and mustache, appeared at the doorway.

The detective halted his reading and looked up at his caretaker from the sprawled position he was in on the leather sofa.

"What is it, Quillish?" He asked in his usual monotone.

"There's a call."

"About a case?"

"Not exactly."

"What then?"

"Kira."

L waited for Quillish to continue, when he didn't, L posed another question, "Who is calling and what is the nature of the call?"

"It is a call from the Saint Joseph Penitentiary warden concerning a problem regarding the incarceration of Kira."

"Did he say what the problem was?"

"No, he didn't."

"Did he say why he was contacting me about it?

"He didn't mention that either."

L sighed and swung his legs onto the floor, stretching his arms. "That's not very helpful."

"Will you take the call?"

"I may as well, I just closed the Bangladesh case and have nothing else to do at present."

Quillish smiled, "The man sounded incredibly nervous."

"Did he really?" L smirked slightly, as he stood up and strode in the direction of the tech room, where there was a microphone and voice scrambler that he used when indirectly addressing people. There were also top-of-the-line computers and other useful technologies there.

Having reached the tech room, L settled at his swivel chair before his monitor. It had been sometime since he last heard mention of Kira. He found himself curious. L pressed the button to put through the warden.

"Hello, this is L." He greeted in perfect Russian, his voice distorted with computer programming.

"This is Artem Kozlov, warden of Saint Joseph Penitentiary," a gruff male voice replied. It was well hidden, but L could detect an underlying of nerves in the man's voice; Quillish was correct.

"I understand you are calling me about one of your prisoners, a Light Yagami."

"Yes, I'm contacting you about Kira. I realize you probably don't get very many calls about the criminals you put away. We didn't know whom else to call, though. The situation is what we would normally contact family about. Kira, of course, is not permitted this sort of contact. However, we're required to inform someone about his condition. You're the only person who has the clearance to be contacted for such a situation," Kozlov related matter-a-factly.

The man was babbling slightly. L decided to cut to what seemed the crux of the matter, "What exactly is the situation?"

"Merely that Kira has been exhibiting suicidal tendencies as of late," Kozlov said indifferently.

"Suicidal tendencies?"

"Yes, that's all that I needed to report to you. I won't take up anymore of your time "

"In what way is he exhibiting suicidal tendencies?" L cut him off.

L could almost hear the man's frown over the audio connection, "I'm not quite sure of the specifics."

"Mr. Kozlov, as you have contacted me in lieu of Light Yagami's family, I would like to thoroughly inquire into the matter."

"If you wish to pursue the matter, I could connect you to Dr. Iskra Dubrovsky, the psychologist who reported the suicidal tendencies," Kozlov mused.

"Please do so."

"I'll connect you in a moment," Kozlov promised.

L drummed his fingers idly as he waited for the psychologist to be patched through. He didn't have to wait long.

"This is Dr. Iskra Dubrovsky," a cool female voice said. This voice did not have an undercurrent of nerves.

"This is L. I understand that you are the psychologist in charge of Light Yagami and that you have noted he is exhibiting suicidal tendencies."

"That is correct, Mr. L."

"I would like a report on Light Yagami's current psychological condition."

"Very well. I have not been working with the patient for long. I was transferred to Saint Joseph from a different institute approximately six months ago and replaced Dr. Viktor Morozov as Kira's primary psychologist," Dubrovsky related.

L remembered meeting Morozov. "Why was Dr. Viktor Morozov replaced?"

"It was discovered that he was abusing one of his patients. Light Yagami."

"In what manner?"

"Mostly mentally, but some physical violence as well. He was witnessed violently slapping the patient, and admitted to other infractions. Both he and Mr. Yagami were unwilling to expand on specifics." Dubrovsky's tone of voice suggested great disapproval.

"Continue with your report," L prompted.

"From Dr. Morozov's notes, it seems that when the patient first entered the institution, he was diagnosed as a megalomaniac with antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders. He is now severely traumatized and I have diagnosed him with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression. I believe that he has suffered abuse from other prisoners as well as from Dr. Morozov."

"He no longer exhibits symptoms as a megalomaniac or of an antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder?" L's voice betrayed not a hint of emotion.

"He does not."

"He has been exhibiting suicidal tendencies. Please expand on this."

"He has attempted suicide twice now. The first attempt he endeavored to jump from a balcony but was slowed by his shackles, so a guard was able to intervene. That guard failed to report the incident, so nothing was done in response to this. The second time he attempted strangulation with his bed sheets and was again prevented by a guard. This incident was reported and measures have now been taken to prevent these incidents from reoccurring," Dubrovsky said evenly.

"What sort of treatment is he receiving?"

"Talk-therapy and antidepressant medication."

"How effective are they?"

"So far, there has been no improvement and the patient seems uninterested in improvement. He also has expressed a damaging level of self-hatred."

"Prognosis?"

"Bad. I believe that improvement under current conditions would be unlikely."

"Why is that?" L inquired.

"The patient has strong, negative associations with the Saint Joseph Penitentiary. In addition the patient has no support network."

"And if he was moved to a different location?"

"He would have an increased chance of improvement, but lack of a support network would continue to handicap improvement."

"As his psychologist, how do you intend to proceed?"

"I will continue with talk-therapy and narcotics, but as I said, I do not have much hope for improvement." Dubrovsky sounded regretful.

"Would you recommend that Light Yagami be moved to a different location?"

"That would be recommendable and I have inquired about it, but due to security complications, it is impossible."

There was a pause. "Would it be possible for you to fax me specifics on Light Yagami's condition?"

"Yes, it would be."

L related a fax number, than promised to contact Dr. Dubrovsky after reviewing the case notes.

After the call disconnected, L remained seated and thought. He hadn't thought much on Light Yagami for these past five years. Still, the Kira Case remained the most challenging case on his record and the case he had gotten most personally involved with. And Light Yagami, he remained the greatest adversary L had gone up against. Yagami had been cunning, charming, brilliant, daring, and challenging. L had had to use every once of his own ability to defeat the young genius.

He ought to tell Quillish what the call had been about. L stood and began walking back toward his book; Quillish would most likely be there. As L walked down the window-lined corridor he reminisced about the case. He and Yagami had been the greatest of enemies, but because of how involved the case became, had also become rather close. While they had both claimed friendship towards one another, neither claims had been sincere, but still, they had been close. Perhaps that was why L was bothered by the situation of the young man.

In his mind's eye, L pictured Light Yagami as he had last seen him. He could see the boy's smooth features twisted with rage and snarling incoherently.

_**A/N: Since when does L sprawl and whatnot? Hmm.**_

_**Anyway, thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think about how I've portrayed L. And Quillish. And what you think of my Russian people. And what you think of the writing. Actually, I'm incredibly interested in whatever you may be thinking.**_

_**Also, just so you are aware in advance, I probably won't update quickly (I'm slow ^_^;) but I will eventually finish.**_


	2. Talk Therapy

**Chapter 2: Talk Therapy**

_**A/N: First of all, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favored, and followed! You are amazing, especially you lovely reviewers~. It really helps motivate me to write more. It would feasibly be better if I could learn to motivate myself. Alas, I can't be motivated to learn that.**_

_**Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property.**_

_**Warnings: Mentions of violence and abuse, also eventual LxLight pairing.**_

_**Length: 1699 words (just over six pages) **_

_**The actual story may now commence.**_

Light lay on the couch, curled into himself slightly, resigned to suffer through yet another therapy session. He wore plain grey prison garb and a white straightjacket. Dr. Dubrovsky sat in a chair opposite him, dressed professionally.

"How have you been doing, Mr. Yagami?" Dr. Dubrovsky asked. The therapy sessions were always spoken in English, due to him not knowing Russian and Dr. Dubrovsky not being familiar with Japanese. He'd spoken in English with Dr. Morozov as well.

Light didn't bother replying to the inquiry; it was the standard question asked at the beginning of each session. Dubrovsky would ask, wait politely for him to respond and then continue when he inevitably didn't. He'd observed that she always waited nine seconds exactly.

"How about you tell me something about Ryuzaki," the therapist suggested. They both mentally counted the nine seconds out.

"Anything that comes to mind," Dubrovsky prompted. After another nine seconds she spoke again, patiently, "Tell me anything that comes to mind."

Light spoke, softly, barely above a whisper, "Nothing… nothing in particular really comes…to mind."

"We talked about Ryuzaki a great deal in our earlier meetings, you gave me a brief synopsis of what your interactions with him were. You told me about Lind L. Taylor, about meeting L in person, about working with him on the case under various states of freedom and recollection, and about your arrest." When Light didn't respond, she continued, "Let's go over what your emotions concerning him were. How did you feel about him?"

There was a pause. "I…hated him. He made me…angry," Light replied haltingly.

"Hmm. What about him made you feel that way?"

"He…challenged me and… what I was doing."

"What was the reason this made you angry?"

"Then…I felt…what I was doing…that it was important. That it was…right." Light replied, dully, they'd been through this before. "Ryuzaki was…undermining it."

"Has your opinion of what you were doing changed?"

"Yes."

"How so?"

"I was wrong. I was…horrible and wrong. I'm still horrible and wrong," Light stated quietly.

"Have your feelings about Ryuzaki changed?"

Light floundered, "I'm…I don't…I—I…"

Dr. Dubrovsky smiled gently, to reassure him, "We'll come back to that. Do you ever think about Ryuzaki now?"

There was a pause, six seconds before Light softly replied, "Not…frequently, no."

"But he'll cross your mind?"

"On occasion," Light responded noncommittally.

"When he does, what do you think about?"

"I've…thought of…memories."

"Can you tell me about a memory?"

Light considered the question. "Well… we'd play games sometimes. Like chess…or card games."

"When did you do that?"

"During the time…the time when I was handcuffed to him…for surveillance. When everyone else had left… after dinner…before bed."

"Did you enjoy playing games with him?"

"Well…I guess. I didn't…remember then, so I didn't…hate him. Playing games was a break from the case, which was… stressful."

"What other memories do you think about that involve Ryuzaki?"

Light was quiet a moment, "Sometimes… we would converse… unrelated to the case."

"Did you enjoy those conversations?"

"They were… stimulating."

"How so?"

"Ryuzaki was very…intelligent. He was…interesting to talk to."

"What else do you remember?"

Light struggled to remember more. "We…watched a movie once. A British one. Ryuzaki explained…explained the slang to me. It was… amusing."

"How would you describe these memories? What do they all have in common?"

After the nine seconds, Dr. Dubrovsky spoke again, "Mr. Yagami?"

"I'm… I don't… don't know," Light shifted uncomfortably.

"They were pleasant memories for you," Dubrovsky stated.

"I'm…," Light paused, "I suppose… they weren't unpleasant…" Light trailed into silence.

"But that's not why you think of them," Dubrovsky mused.

"No… I don't think… that's it," Light muttered.

"Let's leave that for now," Dubrovsky suggested gently, "We've talked about your arrest before. About the reactions of the taskforce. Of your father. Of your family. Tell me about them."

Light nodded, "They… saw that I was wrong… and horrible… and disgusting. And… they all… they all recoiled." He shivered slightly at the memory of it. Of his father's expression.

"Not Misa."

"No… Misa was wrong… she was…wrong too. Horrible… like me."

"This is what Dr. Morozov told you."

Light nodded.

"And you believe he is right."

Another nod.

"That you were horrible."

Nod.

"And still are?"

"He was right," Light glared, actually speaking clearly and above a whisper for the first time during the session; then he quickly ducked his head, clenching his eyes shut. 

'_You are horrible and despicable. You are disgusting and wrong. And you still can speak with such confidence? Such pride?' A resounding slap, followed by a sharp gasp. 'You are truly dirt, Kira.'_

"Mr. Yagami," Dubrovsky spoke firmly, "Dr. Morozov was not qualified to offer you psychological advice. You are aware of the circumstances."

Nine seconds, "Mr. Yagami?" Still no response and Dr. Dubrovsky broached a new question, "What about Ryuzaki? And Watari? How did they behave towards you?"

Dubrovsky was about to speak again when Light opened his eyes and very softly responded, "Watari… he always… always followed Ryuzaki's lead. Ryuzaki… he didn't act differently… not really."

"Do you have a guess as to why?"

"…Ryuzaki… he always knew."

"Ryuzaki always knew what?"

"He knew… Ryuzaki knew I was Kira…from…from the beginning. He knew that… I was horrible and disgusting… before he even met me."

"Interesting. Let's try that earlier question again; what do your recollections of Ryuzaki have in common? Why do you think of them?"

"Because… they…confuse…me," Light realized. "Ryuzaki confuses me. If he knew…then why did he… how could he…?"

"You think of these memories because they confuse you. Ryuzaki's actions were confusing to you," Dubrovsky confirmed. Light nodded in agreement.

"If he knew… then he would have known… that I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him… so badly. How could he sit next to me… and help me with English pronunciation… or tease me…?"

"You don't understand why he didn't recoil from you. As the others did once they learned the truth of your identity."

"I don't…understand it…"

"Well, you were only a suspect at the time. Not convicted."

Light shook his head, "Ryuzaki knew… he was incredibly smart… and his instincts… they were always right. He was right… right about me from the beginning."

"Do you hate Ryuzaki? Right now, do you hate him?"

"No… I don't… think I do."

"Do you like Ryuzaki?"

"…Not exactly… I guess… I don't exactly like… or dislike him."

"Do you feel neutrally towards him?"

"I suppose. It's more like… I feel confused by him."

"Anything else?"

"Just…confusion…if anything. It… doesn't matter."

"Why doesn't it matter?" Dubrovsky queried gently.

"I haven't… had anything… anything to do… with Ryuzaki for…a long time."

"Even so, your feelings on the matter can still be very important."

"It's not… not important," Light murmured.

Dubrovsky frowned slightly, "What isn't important?"

"How I…feel about Ryuzaki."

"Why is that?"

"How I feel… about Ryuzaki… about anything… it doesn't matter."

"You think your feelings don't matter," Dubrovsky inferred.

"They don't."

"Why do they not matter?"

"They don't matter… because… I don't matter."

"You think you don't matter."

"I don't. I should die… I killed… so many. I'm disgusting…I should die."

"Mr. Yagami, dying will not solve anything," Dubrovsky stated seriously.

"Neither… neither will living."

"If you invest yourself in life, living can solve a great deal."

Nine seconds. "Mr. Yagami?"

There was another lengthy pause, then, "There's… nothing… nothing in life… for me to invest in."

There was yet another pause.

"I've been in contact with someone you knew," Dubrovsky stated, looking closely at Light for his reaction. Light stayed very, very still.

"Who?" He whispered.

"The Penitentiary is obligated to inform emergency contacts of dramatic changes in a patients behavior or mental health; this was neglected while Dr. Morozov was your psychologist. As your current psychologist I reported your recent suicidal tendencies. As it is not permitted to contact your family, Ryuzaki was contacted by default."

Light was stunned. "Ryuzaki?" He asked, surprised.

"Yes, Ryuzaki." Dubrovsky confirmed. "After being informed of your suicide attempts, he requested more information and was patched through to me. After a brief conversation he requested documentation of your condition, which I faxed to him. He has taken an active concern in your progress. We have conversed about various possibilities regarding your situation. Including having you relocated."

"…He knows about… You've spoken… relocation?" Light tumbled through his words.

Dubrovsky smiled warmly, "Yes, we've discussed having you moved out of the Penitentiary."

"I thought… because of security… couldn't… Ryuzaki?" Light stammered.

Dubrovsky was able to pick out the gist of Light's question. "It's been agreed that it would be possible to move you if you were in Ryuzaki's custody. While the setting would be much different than your current one, you would still be a prisoner of the government and certain regulations of safety and security would have to be met. You would also continue on as my patient, we would have our sessions over video chat," she explained. "Whether or not you are to be moved is up to you. Now, I don't want you to be overwhelmed, so take some time to think this over and ask me any questions you may have."

Light nodded dumbly, mentally trying to reassemble the shattered pieces of his mind.

Dubrovsky looked at him empathetically, "For what it's worth Mr. Yagami. I think that this could be something very worth investing yourself in."

Light's mind reeled as guards escorted him out of the doctor's office and continued to reel as he was securely locked down in his cell. He was jarred by the new development. He lay on his back, staring at the dull ceiling not even attempting to understand simply struggling to process. His mind swarmed.

_Ryuzaki. "Various possibilities… including… relocation." "Tell me something about Ryuzaki." Relocation. Regulations. Ryuzaki's custody? "Have your feelings about Ryuzaki changed?" Five years. Neutral. What sort of regulations? Don't hate him. Knows about my suicide attempts? Irrelevant. Just need to die. "For what it's worth Mr. Yagami. I think that this could be something very worth investing yourself in." Relocation. Ryuzaki._

_L._

Putting his baffled thoughts aside for the moment, Light focused on him for a moment. A man he'd once thought nearly exclusively of and who now hadn't crossed his mind with much purpose in years. He envisioned fathomless, dark eyes and a blank, collected expression.

_**A/N: I'm noticing that Dubrovsky has been present more than I expected her to be. How does everyone feel about her? It originally wasn't my intention to have an oc in the fanfiction(they usually annoy me), but she seems to have become a good medium to figure out Light's thoughts and progress the story.**_


	3. Teacups and Rain

**Chapter 3: Teacups and Rain**

_**A/N: So, do you want to hug me for updating? Or do you want to slap me for taking so long? At long last chapter 3 has arrived. I think that you'll like this one. For one thing it's my longest one. Much heartfelt thanks to those who reviewed, favorited, and/or followed! I got seven pretty reviews~. They make me so happy. They also make me feel guilty about not writing, which is good because it results in eventual updates.**_

_**Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property.**_

_**Warnings: Heavy topics. Eventual LxLight pairing.**_

_**Length: 2328 words. (six pages)**_

It was arranged. Clearance had been given, precautions had been devised, and rules set. Light Yagami was to be delivered today.

L had spent a great deal of time reviewing Yagami's case notes. The accuracy of Morozov's records was questionable, but Dubrovsky's were thorough. After reading them, L had understood that his former adversary was now in a very bad way, and after an in-depth discussion with Dubrovsky, he had agreed to have Yagami moved to his quarters. There were certain precautions that had been required of the situation and that he would adhere to, but the plan was already under way. Yagami had been transported to a city approximately three hours away from L's more rural location and was waiting with guards in a van, where he would be handed off to Quillish and two of their agents. Quillish would then drive the van and its occupant to the estate.

It was nearing the time Quillish should be returning and L had given up on his usually absorbing book in favor of listlessly surfing the Internet some time ago. It was raining today so the light wasn't much good for reading. A flash of lighting illuminated his second-story bedroom, which was styled tastefully in modern baroque and had light, warm colors that looked silvered at the moment. Presently he decided to give up on the Internet as well, stood from his chair and walked over to open the double glass doors that lead to the balcony. He stepped outside to stand in the rain. It was summer, so the rain was warm and felt pleasant against his skin. A thunderclap sounded and he smiled, closing his eyes and turning his face upwards.

Even though they had been enemies, he had respected Yagami, acknowledged that they had much in common, and he hadn't disliked him. Yagami had simply been on the wrong side of justice and because of this, must be brought to justice. From speaking with Dubrovsky and reading Yagami's case notes he gathered that his lack of personal animosity towards Yagami had not been mutual. He wondered how Yagami might feel towards him now. Five years ago, he would have expected hostility, but now he had no idea what to expect. Though Yagami had agreed to the move, L wasn't sure if he would be friendly.

From the case notes L deduced that Yagami had many possible reasons to agree to the move, which he may or may not have told to Dubrovsky. After L had committed to the arrangement, Dubrovsky had insisted that the contents of Yagami's sessions be kept confidential from that point on. She could not be swayed on this point. Kozlov, on the other hand had been perfectly willing to allow L access. Standard procedure was that confidentiality be kept; to be breached only in cases of preventing the patient from causing harm to himself or others, or in cases of supervision. He had qualified as supervision before, but now Dubrovsky felt this no longer applied. Though it made him slightly uneasy not to have that access, he did acknowledge the logic to it.

Hearing a tap on the glass behind him, L straightened and turned around, expecting Quillish—and news of Yagami's arrival.

Looking vaguely disapproving was a soft-figured, middle-aged woman. His housekeeper. "You'd best dry off and change before you have your tea," the woman remarked as L slid the glass doors shut behind him and dripped water on the carpet.

L smiled lightly and wordlessly turned to rummage in his closet for fresh clothes. After toweling off and changing in the bathroom he returned, attired in light-wash bootleg jeans and a graphic T-shirt, to find that the last of the tea things had been set at the coffee table. L meandered over to the sofa and sat cross-legged, still toweling his damp hair.

His eyes lit up upon seeing the spread which consisted of several slices of tiramisu cake, a bowl of chocolate dipped strawberries, a half a dozen miniature cherry tarts, a teapot containing Earl grey and all other things necessary for tea. "Thank you, Rosaline," L said appreciatively.

"You're most welcome," she replied smiling pleasantly and turned to leave. She paused at the door though and looked back at L, "Will you be needed anything else?"

"I find myself most content and not in need of anything more in the least," L amiably replied with cake in his mouth. He swallowed. "There's no need to be so concerned."

"So, you've said," Rosaline acknowledged. Rosaline was uneasy about hosting a former mass-murderer.

"Well, it's a bit late to be having second thoughts." L commented, spooning sugar into his tea. "I don't think it will be too troublesome though. We likely won't see him so often. It's a big house and he'll mostly be confined to his room."

There was an affable silence while L poured cream into his tea and sampled it before stirring in another spoonful of sugar.

"I'll leave you to your tea then. Make sure not to catch a cold," Rosaline instructed before exiting.

L devoted himself to properly savoring the refreshments for a while. As he stirred sugar into his second cup of tea though, his mind wandered. Yagami would be arriving soon. The arrangement was fairly simple. Yagami would be confined to a room, which had been outfitted for the circumstances and would largely remain in his room. For the time being he was to be restrained as well. Guards were required which wasn't a problem. Quillish procured all sorts of agents and guards for him. Yagami would be escorted on exercise and occasionally provided with the option of macaroni-type crafts. As he could not be prohibited from any part of his own residence, L was permitted unrestrained visiting access. Of course, interaction with Yagami would likely remain minimal. The purpose of the transfer was for Yagami to be removed from the environment of Saint Joseph.

L finished his cup and the miniature cherry tarts, his mind drifting to the collection of new case requests he had received. He was assisting with several cases at the moment, but none of them were particularly challenging, merely time consuming. He used to not bother with those sorts of cases. The case in Verona was quite nearly closed, after the arrest was made tomorrow L expected that the trial wouldn't take to long. They never did when he was involved with the case.

There was a short rap at the door, followed by Quillish's entrance. "You've returned," L commented, looking up and indicating that Quillish sit.

"Yes, and Yagami has arrived," Quillish replied, seating himself opposite L. L picked up a spare teacup that was turned upside down and righted it, so as to pour in tea. Quillish took the cup from L and poured in a spot of cream, before sipping it. Quillish didn't take sugar in his tea.

"Everything went as expected, I presume." L said as he selected a strawberry.

"Everything planned went as expected, of course." Quillish confirmed, holding up a hand to decline L's offer of tiramisu.

"There was something you didn't expect though," L chewed his strawberry thoughtfully.

"Yagami-kun has changed a great deal."

"Did you speak with him?" L pulled a slice of tiramisu towards himself.

"No. I saw him." Quillish took a swallow of tea and frowned at his teacup.

"He looked different." L inferred after swallowing his second bite.

"He did."

"As though he was five years older?"

"As though much happened in those five years." Quillish put his empty teacup down and looked at L. "Will you go see him now?"

"Once I've finished with tea, yes."

"Very well, I think I'll see about dinner."

"Rosaline and her very capable staff will see about dinner. You've had enough activity for today." L decided, finishing the cake and picking up a strawberry.

"You certainly know how to make an old man feel useless," Quillish complained, his voice half-serious.

"Quillish, you know you're not supposed to strain yourself with too much activity," L reminded him. "Besides chauffeuring a convicted mass-murderer is usually considered enough excitement for one person."

Quillish didn't respond but gave a distinct impression of disagreement and frustration. L looked at the older man very seriously, "Quillish, if you insist upon overworking yourself you will very much worry this teacup," he held up his empty one.

The man in question chuckled, thereby conceding, his squared shoulders relaxing. "Will it now?"

"It will become horribly distraught and will be completely beside itself."

"And what might be a teacup approved activity?" Quillish inquired lightly.

"Have you done your exercise regime yet today?"

"Blast the exercise regime," Quillish complained.

"You know what the doctors said."

Quillish sighed. "I'll go do that then. Before you swindle me into taking up ceramics." Quillish decided, rising from his seat.

"Teacups are great supporters of ceramics," L said.

Quillish chuckled and closed the door behind him. L ate through the rest of his strawberries and then stood. It was time to see to Yagami.

L's mind was oddly quiet as he walked up the stairs. There were four floors and an attic and basement in the mansion. Yagami was being held on the third floor, east wing, second door on the right. The one with two armed guards standing in front of it. L greeted them as he approached, "Marshall, Rodgers."

"Mister L," the two guards greeted in return. They were both former military and a good find by Quillish. L particularly liked Jenny Marshall, a strong woman who had been assaulted by an officer, resisted him, and then discharged for misconduct. She had a strong sense of justice and was excellent with firearms. Good for the workplace.

The door was ajar. L entered the room and softly closed the door behind him. The storm had ended but the light coming from the window was still grey. His eyes immediately went to the upright sort of gurney that was facing away from him. That would be where Yagami was restrained. L quietly approached the gurney, and circled to the front of it.

Light Yagami.

L froze when he saw him. It was… unexpectedly strange to see him. It was Light Yagami, blindfolded, wearing a straightjacket and strapped down. L was suddenly reminded of Misa Amane's confinement. The straps were different and Light wore socks and a grey prison uniform beneath the straightjacket, but the set-up was very similar. It wasn't anything that L hadn't seen before.

Yagami seemed to be oblivious that L had entered the room. L took in his former nemesis. His skin was paler, his hair was messy and maybe longer, his lips looked chapped. Yagami was trembling slightly; L could see it in his hands easily and in his shoulders. His head hung as much as it was able to with the straps, as though it were accustomed to avoiding people's gaze. Even his breathing seemed hesitant. L was struck with a sudden desire to see Yagami's eyes.

Those eyes had once held fire. They had been clever, arrogant eyes. L had seen evil and cruelty in them. A murderer's eyes. Now, he reached out carefully to remove the blindfold covering these eyes. His hand touched Yagami's forehead as he undid the strap there in order to have access to the blindfold. Yagami made a surprised, frightened noise and flinched with his whole body. So, he really hadn't known L was in the room. L didn't pause, though he noted that the tremors became more obvious. He reached around the boy's head and gently removed the blindfold.

Their eyes met. Black eyes looked into brown and brown eyes looked into black. It was only for a fraction of a second before Yagami dropped his gaze. Those eyes… they were miserable. They were helpless. Haunted. Pained.

It wasn't anything L hadn't seen before, but it was… unexpected, strange for them to be Yagami's eyes.

"Hello, Light," L greeted him in Japanese. Light opened his mouth as though to reply but hesitated and then closed it again. "I'm going to unbind you, now. The straightjacket will have to remain though for the time being," L explained as he began unfastening the restraints, starting with the lowest.

L thought Light might have nodded but he wasn't entirely sure. Why had L called him Light instead of Yagami-kun as he had originally intended? It had been impulsive. He looked at Light's face again as he unbuckled the last strap. In a way he looked younger than he once had. His confidence and ability had made him seem older than he was. Now he seemed vulnerable and helpless. In ways he looked so much older than 22.

As the last strap fell away Light became destabilized and his knees buckled causing him to fall forward. Light gasped softly and L automatically caught him as he essentially collapsed. For a moment he stood, clutching Light's shoulders, with the young man's forehead resting against his shoulder. Then Light stirred, trying to right himself but unable to either due to having been immobile for the better part of the day, simple exhaustion, or his arms still being restained.

"Sor-sorry," Light choked out in English, then abruptly switching to Japanese, "I-I'm s-sorry." He continued somewhat hysterically, switching haphazardly between English and Japanese. "Sorry. I-I'm sor-s-sorry. Sorry. Sorry. S-sorry. I'm s-sorry…" L began assisting Light towards the bed, practically carrying him, actually briefly holding Light bridal style as he hoisted him onto the bed. Light continued to apologize softly in a disoriented sort of way. He had felt cold, which may have contributed to the shaking L had noticed, so L pulled back the beige covers and covered Light with them.

"Rest now," L instructed gently before straightening and turning. As he closed the door he could still hear Light apologizing. Yes, Quillish was correct. Light had changed a lot. L decided to go interrupt his guardian's exercise regime.

_**A/N: So, what do you think about that reunion? Also, what's going on with Quillish? **_

_**Addressing my liberal use of OCs, I'll just say none of them are vital characters but it's important that they're there.**_

_**As I warned previously I'm a slow updater so please be patient with me. If you're really feeling impatient you can check out my oneshot featuring L and Light called **_**I Can't Remember**_**.**_

_**Review if you want to make me feel guilty and write more.**_


	4. Just Breathe

**Chapter 4: Just Breathe**

_**A/N: Hello, my precious readers! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed. In related news, I've decided to start listing reviewers. Thank you to **_**erihan**_**(x3)**__**, **_**Edward0Elric, Remmy18, Mary Lou **_**(x2)**_**, StormySkys **_**(x2)**_**, Dorianimeyaoilover, Joey Ketail, Guest, melissen **_**(x2)**_**, Rasiell, Contagious-Anime-Obsession, Guest, ****Seishirou Hitsugaya, V, Heletheral, and Mr. eff. **_**Reading your words gave me great joy.**_

_**Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property. **_

_**Warnings: References to abuse, also eventual LxLight pairing**_

_**Length: 1710 words (four pages)**_

Light was in shock. He lay on his side, his breathing still uneven and his body still trembling. Not that Light knew the time, but it had been approximately two hours since L had left the room. Light had shut his eyes after L had left and continued murmuring apologies. However as he hadn't drunk water since sometime around noon his voice had quickly grown hoarse, causing him to quiet. He had then rolled onto his side and curled into a ball.

Not long after his voice had given out a guard had entered and instructed him to sit up. Save a surprised gasp and increased shaking he had found he was physically unable to respond. The guard had bodily moved him into a sitting position and unfastened his straightjacket. Light had opened his eyes to see a middle-aged man with dark skin holding a cup of water out to him. Despite his thirst he hadn't been able to respond beyond averting his eyes. After repeated unsuccessful attempts to get Light to take the cup, the guard had refastened the straightjacket and retreated from the room.

Light had clenched his eyes shut and returned to his previous curled-up position. He still lay like that, his body trembling. His mind and body were not working; he was overwhelmed by emotions he couldn't make sense of.

The blankets were pleasantly warm. Light focused on that. Only the sensation of warmth. Nothing else. No thoughts. No thinking. Just the warmth. Slowly he was able to calm somewhat, he stopped shaking and his breathing evened. He wasn't ready to think yet though.

He opened his eyes and took in his dimly lit surroundings. A window lighted them. He had a window. It had slim iron bars on the outside. He wouldn't be able to jump from there. Through the window he could see grey sky and what was presumably a bit of a tree. There were white curtains. The walls had mauve wallpaper with a beige filigree design. The ceiling was beige as was the carpet.

Light's breathing shuddered again. Warmth. Blankets. The blankets made him warm. No thoughts. No thinking. Just warm. He closed his eyes. His breathing evened. He resumed observing and familiarizing himself with his new surroundings.

The bed frame was white and the little table to the right of it matched it. The wardrobe, the dresser, the trim, and the table accompanied by two mauve chairs by the window were white as well. There were two white doors with gold handles. Both were closed. One presumably led to the hallway. Where could the other one lead? There was a standing lamp with a mauve shade and gold tassels. There was another lamp on the bedside table. There was also a digital clock. It was 5:47 pm. He thought about it a minute. The other door likely was for a bathroom.

This room was a part of Ryuzaki's house. Light's breathing became uneven. He focused on the warm blankets and then reviewed the room again. He could think. He could sort through his emotions. He took a few deep breaths.

He assessed himself. He was no longer trembling. His breathing was normal. It was 5:54 now. More deep breaths.

This is when he realized he was in shock.

The traveling had been physically and mentally exhausting. He wasn't sure how long the flight was from wherever he had been to wherever he was now, but he hadn't journeyed further that the twelve-minute escorted walk to the mess hall in five years. The traveling had been terrifying. He had been unable to see and had been uncomfortably bound for the duration of the trip. By the time he was unloaded for the final time, he was a wreak.

Then he'd been told that he had arrived in his new quarters by a deep unfamiliar voice. The dark skinned guard, he realized now. It had been quiet for a little while after that. Light had known he was still now, but he had still felt as though he was moving. He had felt wobbly and light-headed.

Then he had felt someone unfastening the restraining strap across his forehead. He hadn't heard anyone enter the room so he was startled, almost afraid in his muddled state. He had assumed it was the guard though, so he was completely bewildered when the blindfold was removed. It was Ryuzaki. He had only looked at him for a moment before dropping his gaze, but there was no mistaking him. It was Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki, who had been his enemy. Ryuzaki, who he had tried to kill. Ryuzaki, who had offered to take him from the Penitentiary. Ryuzaki, the man he had been obsessed with. It was Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki was standing in front of him, looking just like he always had.

Light really couldn't handle this. He looked away immediately. After Ryuzaki had greeted him he had been bemused further. Ryuzaki had used Japanese; Light hadn't heard or spoken Japanese in five years. He had only heard Japanese in his own thoughts. To hear it again was shocking. Even more than that, L had called him Light. Light hadn't heard his own name spoken in those five years at the Penitentiary. The other inmates, Morozov, the guards had all referred to him as Kira. It had similarly stunned him when Dr. Dubrovsky had addressed him as Mr. Yagami during their first meeting. To hear his familiar first name, from Ryuzaki's lips no less, was stupefying. And it had felt confusingly intimate.

He had tried to say something, he didn't know what but had been unable to form words. Ryuzaki had continued talking, in his familiar, even voice, which Light hadn't heard in five years. His mind had been reeling and refusing to process the situation as Ryuzaki undid his bindings. Suddenly, he'd realized he had been freed. His body, which was weakened from the journey, had collapsed.

Abruptly, the situation had become clear to him. He had not fallen to the ground, but his legs weren't supporting him. Ryuzaki was. Ryuzaki was supporting his body weight, Ryuzaki's hands held his shoulders, and his forehead was against Ryuzaki's shoulders. It was wrong. He was wrong and disgusting. He had tried to kill Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki shouldn't have to touch him.

'_You're disgusting, Kira. You may have convinced yourself once that you were God, but that was folly. It was conceit. You're worth nothing now. Nothing but contempt.' Morozov peered at him appraisingly. 'Even breathing the same air as you is unpleasant.'_

Light had stuggled to move, but his body would not cooperate. "Sor-sorry," he'd choked out, then he'd realized that that was wrong. Ryuzaki had spoken in Japanese; Light had spoken in English automatically. He'd tried to correct his mistake. He apologized in Japanese. It had felt strange to speak his native language and hadn't he heard Ryuzaki and Watari speak English before, all those years ago? Perhaps it would be better to speak in English? He'd tried apologizing in English again. After that he hadn't been able to stop. He'd continued in a sort of loop, babbling as Ryuzaki began bodily moving him towards the bed, actually lifting Light up in order to put him onto the bed. This too had felt oddly intimate. Ryuzaki's manner had been polite, even kind. Light was at a loss. If not rough, his interactions with others hadn't been gentle. Only Dubrovsky wasn't unfriendly towards him and she kept a professional distance. Ryuzaki had been… very close. Too close. Ryuzaki shouldn't have to be that close to him.

The situation had been absurd really and Light simply could not process it, so he'd continued apologizing. After Ryuzaki had pulled the blanket over him and told him to rest, the detective left, leaving Light alone with his ravings.

Yes, he was in shock. Even as he logically worked through it, he felt the emotion grip him again; his breathing was once more erratic. Focus on the warm from the covers. Just the physical sensation. It was also nice not to feel like he was moving anymore.

Idly his thoughts turned to Ryuzaki. He looked so much like he used to. A little bit older, but his eyes were still dark and unreadable, his face was still pale and blank, and his hair was still black and messy. Light realized Ryuzaki was different as well, though. He held himself differently. He no longer slouched, though he stood in a decidedly loose manner. Ryuzaki's attire was also different. Light was pretty sure he had been wearing a graphic t-shirt, and that his pants were fitted. Still no shoes or socks on his feet though.

Mostly though, he acted the same way as he used to. Ryuzaki always acted the same. When he was a suspect, when they were chained together, when he was proven guilty, L never acted differently towards him. Not even now. The enigma of this suddenly felt much more pressing than when Dubrovsky had noted this confusion before telling him about relocation.

When he had agreed to the relocation it had been by the following logic: It made no difference to him where he was and he knew Dubrovsky had wanted him to be here. She was a genuinely good woman and he knew he must be a frustrating patient. He wasn't improving. It was impossible for him to improve. There was no help for that though; he was disgusting and awful. He was troubling Dr. Dubrovsky as well though. It would be better if he just ceased to exist. In the meantime though, he could agree to the relocation if she wanted him to. It wouldn't change anything, but if it made things easier for his therapist he would do it. He could at least do that.

At this point though, he wondered if he had overestimated his own apathy. Seeing Ryuzaki had caused him to have a breakdown of sorts. Light couldn't even begin to make sense of it.

That same guard came in again. He held a tray of food. Light looked at the clock. It was 6: 27. It was 6:43 when that guard took the untouched tray away.

Light stared at the clock until he drifted into uneasy sleep.

_**A/N: Not too much new in this chapter, but if you were wondering what is happening from Light's perspective you now know. This isn't going to be a very suspenseful sort of story.**_

_**Reviewing makes you 73 percent more sparkly.**_


	5. After Tennis

**Chapter 5: After Tennis**

_**A/N: My god I owe you this update so bad. Seriously. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and/or followed. Much love to **_**Rasiell**_**,**_** erihan**_**,**_** mr. eff**_**,**_**Seishirou Hitsugay****a**_**,**_** Burnmoon**_**,**_** melissen**_**,**_** FeeFeeThorne**_**,**_** 3PersonaL**_**,**_** Roboferret**_**,**_** Lisa**_**,**_** V**_**,**_** wishfulliving89**_**,**_** animecrazychick**_**,**_** The Jumble Book**_**,**__**and**_** Lovegranted.**_** You make me feel tingly happiness. Then I take too long to update and it turns into motivating guilt. You make me keep writing. I was not expecting to get 15 reviews on one chapter, so I feel really special and happy.**_

_**Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property. **_

_**Warnings: Eventual LxLight pairing**_

_**Length: 1341 words, over four pages.**_

Quillish and L had migrated to the tennis court at L's suggestion. The rain had finished for the day so the clouds were taking their leave and the birds renewed their twittering. Quillish had won three of the five sets, and they were now rehydrating on a bench. The bench was underneath a sycamore tree, which was dripping water onto them.

"It has been awhile since we had a tennis match," L commented presently.

"It has been. I'm glad we did," Quillish returned. After a pause he asked, "How is the case progressing in…where was it? The case with the apricots?"

"That would be the Verona case. It's nearly closed. I am only waiting for news on the arrest. I doubt there should be much trouble with that."

"What of the Expressionist Bandit case in San Diego?"

"That has gone stale until the lab results get back."

"That one in Brazil?"

"I have Mello working on that one. It's in Rio Branco. From his last status report I believe it to be going well."

"He is on the scene for that one, isn't he?"

"Close to the scene. He complains about the cold temperatures."

"I imagine that he is thrilled you are allowing him to head his own case."

"He's earned it," L took another drink from his bottle.

"Have you looked through the new cases I scouted?"

"Yes, this morning. I am very interested in the string of kidnappings in Detroit. I accepted it this morning and advised the PD to investigate Luther Johnson."

"Do you believe he is the kidnapper?" Quillish daubed a water droplet from the sycamore from his nose.

"No, but I am 87% certain that there is something he did not say during his interrogation with Detective Harris."

"Did you find any of the other cases interesting?"

"I think that the larceny case in Washington would be a good case for Near to head. He will be working with the CIA on it."

"With the usual agents I suppose?"

"Yes, he will be working with Lidner, Gevanni, and Rester."

"Are you still considering inviting Lidner to act as one of your agents?"

"Yes. She's an excellent field operative who works well both in command and at receiving orders. However, there is a 82% chance that she will decline."

Quillish hmmed in response, "And the others?"

"Distributed to the proper agents."

"Hmm," Quillish paused to drink, "I suppose it was purposeful that you gave Mello his own case first."

"Near won't care and Mello will. It seemed easiest."

They sat in amiable silence a moment. L followed the path of a white cabbage butterfly with his eyes until it disappeared from his line of vision.

"How was your reunion with Yagami-kun?" Quillish asked.

L took a sip from his water, drawing out the pause before he answered, "I am unsure of how to describe it…I was not expecting Light-kun to be as he was."

Quillish didn't respond, waiting for L to continue or not. L did. "I did not know what to expect when I went to see Light-kun. Or rather I believed I had no expectations about him. Of course, I had mused over how he may have changed, I wondered if he might be hostile. But I didn't form any definite hypothesis. I assumed I would meet him and my curiosity would be put to rest. I did not expect to be taken aback. But I was."

Three droplets fell in rapid succession upon L's left shoulder, leaving three damp circles on his shirt.

"You were taken aback by his appearance?"

"Not his appearance. His demeanor overpowered his appearance."

"I thought the same."

"Did you? And you didn't speak with him."

"No. You did?"

"To a degree. He was not particularly coherent."

"Whatever did you talk about?"

"Actually, it was a rather one-way conversation both-ways."

"What was yours about?"

"I greeted him and informed him I was going to remove his bindings. Before I left I suggested that he rest. There wasn't anything else."

"And on his part?"

"Mostly semi-hysterical apologies."

"For his crimes as Kira?"

"That's hard to say."

"Why is that?"

"Well, he had also just fallen on me."

Quillish did a poor job of stifling his smile, "He fell on you?"

"After I removed his blindfold and bindings, yes. I believe he had a decreased sense of proprioception after the trip. I carried him to bed."

"That was kind of you."

"It would have been distastefully unkind to let him fall to the floor."

"That's true." Quillish conceded, taking another swig of water.

"Besides that though, I felt like helping him. Is that odd?"

"It is what prompted you to agree to host him."

"That's true."

"Are you second guessing yourself?"

"Not really. I believe that it is… right. Morals have always been rather grey surrounding him though."

"Indeed, they have."

"Maybe I am second-guessing myself. If I am I don't know what I'm second-guessing myself on." L frowned and sighed, "I never used to have this problem."

"Well, you never had to bother with diplomacy until after the Kira case. I'm proud of how you handled the publicity though."

L raised an eyebrow and looked at Quillish. "I ignored it in hopes it would go away."

"Yes, you did," Quillish chuckled. "But you rose to the occasion after you realized that the public was not going to simply forget its' interest in the mysterious detective who solved the infamous Kira case."

"Yes, after public interest began compromising with my work I reluctantly began making public statements and appearing at interviews as a letter on a laptop with a computerized voice."

"You were excellent at damage control."

"I was mediocre and childish. I hardly handled it gracefully," L recalled matter-a-factly.

"I believe that the general agreement was that you were brilliant and…slightly eccentric."

"Slightly?"

"Alright, very peculiar. It made me happy though, that all the world could know how amazing you are and appreciate you."

L shrugged, "When I'm not avoiding them, I entertain them."

"More than that, you inspire them. And you influence them more than you realize."

"I'd rather work quietly and unappreciated. I have no desire for the attention I'm hounded with."

"How very mature of you."

"I have my moments."

"You are too mature, too intelligent and too jaded for your age, L."

"I'll grow into it," L replied. This exchange had become a running gag between them for some time.

"I remember when I first met you," Quillish turned his attention from idly looking at the tennis nets to look carefully at L, "you were only a little boy and the world had already taken it upon itself to show you its capacity for cruelty and you couldn't understand it. But you began to and you never stopped."

L felt a lingering sadness for the subject Quillish hadn't quite touched upon. He looked away, "I'm not that cynical, am I?"

"You believe in right and justice, but I wonder sometimes if you believe in happiness."

L looked hard at Quillish, "I am happy."

"You're content, but you're hardly joyous, L."

"I love the work I do, I love the people I work with, and I have an endless supply of sweets, what could deprive me of unbridled joy?" L asked, his face expressionless.

"Only yourself."

"You're becoming too philosophic in your old age, Quillish."

Quillish chuckled. "Perhaps."

Neither of them spoke for a while after that, until it occurred to L to inquire if a press interview had been arranged yet. Quillish replied, that no, it had not. The announcement that infamous Kira had been moved and that the famous L was to be his warden would not be announced until Tuesday, and he thought it best not to let slip the information before the announcement, least there be a scandal. That was the end of their conversation for the day.

It wasn't until L was sitting down to lunch the next day that he was informed that Light-kun had neither eaten nor drunk since his arrival.

_**A/N: So shit's happened with L too. Which is worse: a demented psychologist or the story-hungry media?**_

_**I had major issues writing this. See, I had planned exactly what I was going to write up until the last chapter… but now I'm not entirely sure how much to give away in each chapter. I eventually decided to impart to you was that L is actually still doing case work (I feel like I've been presenting him in something of a carefree manner. He is still a workaholic.) **_

_**Reviewing makes you 46% more likely to find pennies on the street.**_


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